No, but I have been helping an active JW who is in need and has grown old and is being ignored by "the friends". I have known her for over 30 years. She is beginning to realize she will "grow old in this system of things." It is very sad. She is a born-in who lives and breathes for "the new system". She accepts that I have the choice to leave the organization but views that choice as something akin to suicide.
Sail Away
JoinedPosts by Sail Away
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ex jws have you ever been helped by an active jw?
by Crazyguy injust wondering if anyone here that has left, faded away, no longer active in the congregation but not dfd, needed help, money, car, food etc.
and recieved some from an active jw?.
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Ever try to contact local "inactive publishers"?
by Sail Away ini'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped jws in their area.
there are many faders in our area.
there is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates.
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Sail Away
DOC, I didn't fade so much as I walked away. There was one JW that I really hoped to keep as a friend, butI haven't seen her in over a year. My family is all out except my in-laws, and that relationship was always strained due to their shunning my husband. Now that they are also shunning our children, I have no hope of any real relationship with them.
I have seen first hand what you have said. Many faders are still believers and are still loyal to the bOrg. I am fine with being outed if that happens. I think that the definition of really being free is when you simply don't care what they do. If they DF me, so be it. I refuse to live my life by their dictates (42 years is long enough) and in fear. They have control when we are afraid of them and what they can do. They don't control me any more.
Sail Away
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Your favourite dog breed ...?
by LoveUniHateExams inin an earlier thread, i mentioned that i wasn't a particularly doggy person but that my parents got a husky last year that i've come to regard as a kind of brother.. huskies superficially resemble wolves and for me it's been fun to compare and contrast husky and wolf behaviour.
huskies howl but rarely bark, and seem to have a strong prey drive and a strong pack instinct - a nod to their wild cousins.
this is why i love huskies, i think.. do you have a favourite dog breed and why?.
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Sail Away
My little girl is a shih tzu/poodle mix. She is all personality, loves to go for a ride in the car to do some errands and loves to go sailing and kayaking. She is really smart-- rings the bell to go out and clangs the ship's bell to come in. She is the only dog I have ever had that doesn't get all tangled up around trees or bushes and knows to look where you are pointing. Also, she will jump in the tub before the bath water is drawn when even she can't stand the way she smells. She is curly and soft, doesent shed and is a cuddle bug.
I grew up with shepards (Dad was a police officer with a K-9 partner), and I've had all sorts of rescue mixes, but I finally decided it was time to tranin my own dog from a puppy. If she was going to have issues, I would have no one to blame but myself. I used The Loved Puppy and The Loved Dog training methods. She is so well behaved that I can take her to the nursing home to visit my mom.
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Ever try to contact local "inactive publishers"?
by Sail Away ini'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped jws in their area.
there are many faders in our area.
there is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates.
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Sail Away
stuckinarut, you are so right. JW I think of JW friendships as instant soup-- pour the contents of the packet into a cup, add some boiling water and stir-- is it soup yet?
Witness My Fury, I agree, mentally out and pysically out are two entirely different ball games.
Maybe this is all a waste of my time after all.
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Ever try to contact local "inactive publishers"?
by Sail Away ini'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped jws in their area.
there are many faders in our area.
there is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates.
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Sail Away
ruderedhead, I'll give leaving out any reference to JWs a try. I have tried contacting ones who left a long time ago and didn't want them to think I was still an active uber-witness.
Blackfalcon, I never treated people who only showed up for the Memorial and C.O.s visits any differently either. If anything I went out of my way to keep in touch. One elder's wife even got mad at me for giving new convention releases to an inactive JW. She didn't think this woman "deserved" to have them. She didn't think her DF'd son "deserved" to be in paradise either.
I recently FaceBook messaged a faded (walked away) JW I know that simply put up her hand and said, "No thank you!" and closed the door on two elders that showed up to check on her over a decade ago. This was reported to me by her JW DIL. This woman is into tai chi and kayacking now. We have interests in common and used to be friendly. She didn't respond to my message.
Phizzy, I was raised in since nine years old. I only have two adult non-JW friends who have known me for a long time-- one a high school friend and another woman I met in my early twenties. I have a largely disfunctional non-JW family. I miss the sense of a shared history.
Before I left the organization I was contacted by a faded JW that moved out of state. She had gone back, studied again and was looking for info to get in touch with our service overseer. She needed her records in order to get approved for going in the field service again. She was subsequently DF'd for "wickedness". She took over a dozen (I forget the exact number) blood transfusions and refused to write a letter stating that it was in a medical crisis and a moment of weakness and that she wouldn't do it again. She told me she would do it again if it would save her life. Sadly, she still believes it's the truth and still needs Jehovah in her life. Sigh. I will try MeetUp.com. Thanks.
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Ever try to contact local "inactive publishers"?
by Sail Away ini'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped jws in their area.
there are many faders in our area.
there is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates.
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Sail Away
I'm just wondering if anyone has ever tried to contact inactive or disfellowshipped JWs in their area. There are many faders in our area. There is also a large born-in family that had many leave who were labeled as apostates. I wonder if any post here on JWN.
I have not as yet been sucessful in reconnecting with any former JWs locally. Two are clearly believers who view themselves as "spiritually weak" and want to "return to Jehovah" some day. Others have ignored brief emails, phone or FackBook messages. I usually keep it simple-- 'Hi, I haven't been to meetings in over three years. Just wanted to see how you are doing.'
Any suggestions or good outcomes?
Sail Away
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How did your family react when you made it known that you did not want to be a JW anymore?
by Yondaime inplease share your experiences..
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Sail Away
When I told my husband who left the organization over 30 years before I did that I wasn’t going to be a JW anymore, he took it rather well. After the initial shock wore off, his main concern was that I was going to have to rethink everything I had ever believed to be true and decide for myself whether or not I still wanted to hold on to that belief. He handed me The God Delusion, by Richard Dawkins.
My (DF’d) son said, “Whoa, I didn’t see that one comin!”
My (DA’d by her actions) daughter seemed to be nonplussed by my announcement.
My uber-JW in-laws have clearly surmised that I have left. They live over 500 miles away. On our last visit over two years ago, my MIL asked if I was still going to meetings. I opened my eyes wide, looked her straight in the face and asked, “Why would you ask such a thing?” and walked away. We won’t be visiting again anytime soon. They have made it abundantly clear that they are "all set, everything is taken care of (hubby is written out of the will) and communication would be nice, but is not necessary."
Last fall I stopped writing to my MIL which I had done as my “duty” as “a good Christian wife” for 35 years. I told my hubby—his mother was his problem. I was tired of her “death threats” (attempts to re-assimilate hubby through thinly veiled threats of death and destruction at The Big A). She hasn’t written to me in a year, and I don’t miss her hate speech.
In addition to being JWs my in-laws are racist. In the last phone conversation with my husband, my FIL was so concerned that my daughter had married an Irishman who will, of course, end up a good-for-nothing drunk that he forgot to ask his name. My MIL wrote a note to my husband requesting the name. We ignored it.
My husband will call his father (his mother won’t speak to him) about once a year to check on them, usually when there is a major weather event in their area. Seven feet of snow in Buffalo qualifies. They are in their late '80s. My FIL will talk for five minutes or less. Clearly, he was snowed in and had nowhere pressing to be, but five minutes was it! He didn't even ask about our daughter who is pregnant with his great-grand child. Neither one has ever initiated a phone call in all these years. I was always the go between for them and their "apostate" son. Not so much anymore.
After five straight months of nearly daily contact from local JWs when I first walked away, all contact stopped abruptly right after their SAD which I didn’t attend. Weird, but I welcome the silence. If we cross paths in town, they are always pleasant-- "We miss you at the meetings." Whatever.
Three close JW “friends” asked why I left. I simply told them it was a matter of conscience and that the elders are fully informed. I told the elders that I wouldn’t be a hypocrite and attend meetings that teach I should shun my son when that wasn’t going to happen and that I couldn’t bear to hear them say my family was going to die at Armageddon one more time. I played the mental health card. My husband is a “known apostate” who they could never get the goods on. They don’t even give him the once-yearly visit. My neighbor reported to me that she watched the last time JWs were in the neighborhood, and they didn’t even bother to go to our door. Yes!
Sail Away
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What Made You Finally Wake Up?
by Tenacious inhello to all.
i've been on this site for a couple of weeks now posting here and there but have not had the opportunity to read about many of the regular members and what led up to their leaving the wt.. i understand that some of you (i'm part of this club) may not be able to disclose many details and i can appreciate that.. i'd love to hear what was it that finally made you renounce what is and hopefully soon to be "was" the wt.. i truly look forward to having good discussions.. thank you to all for your kind participation.. .
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Sail Away
Thank you to all who shared how painful cognitive dissonance is. It was that way for me. There were so many issues, but it boiled down to this: My husband left, my daughter left and my son was DF’d. I couldn’t wrap my brain around the idea that I could be happy living forever in paradise without my family. If I was going to be happy Jehovah would have to wipe out my memory of them. If god did that, just who would that be in paradise—not me, because I am a wife and a mother.
I had an intensive out-patient hospitalization for severe, recurrent clinincal depression and post traumatic stress disorder in January, 2011. I was unable to go out in service. I even told an elder that I couln’t study with a young mother with an infant baby, because I didn’t want her to end up in a marriage in a divided household with an unbelieveing mate just like I was. (Please excuse all the “theocratic language”.) It is just too painful. He said, “At least she would have Jehovah” and walk away. I resigned from the TMS, because I would have panic attacks preparing to give a talk and would blank out (dissociate) on the stage.
In April of that same year, I was sitting at a Service Meeting. They were droning on about the importance of the field ministry, because Armegeddon was sooo close and sooo many people were going to die. That was my tipping point. I thought, ‘If one more person tell me my kids are going to die. . . ‘ I walked out of that meeting and spent six weeks on my couch sorting through all of my doctrinal issues (When I first heard the Overlapping Generation doctrine, I thought, “That’s crap!” Hearing that the feet in Daniel’s dream image meant nothing made me burst out laughing), and I remembered all the injustices and hurt caused from JW doctrine over my 42 years in (I was there for 1975 and remember being told not to go to college, there wasn’t any time, I would not grow up, get married and have children. The dates in the Daniel’s prophesy book just don’t add up, The Revelation Climax dates and their obvious foolishness, the blood doctrie, disfellowshipping and shunning , the change in the definition of porneia, etc.)
I went the summer DC on July 4 th weekend 2011 and realized I was surrounded by the Stepford wives. It was creepy. I told my family I wasn’t going to be a JW anymore. My son said, “Whoa, I didn’t see that one coming!” It took me a while with lots of therapy, but I am now depression free and off all psyciatric medications.
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At This Point In Time Would You Ever Subject Yourself To A Judicial Committee?
by minimus ini certainly wouldn't.
and if the elders wanted to have a meeting with me, i would respectfully decline.
if the elders wanted to deal with you, would you talk with them?.
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Feeling sad over a wasted life in watchtower
by wannaexit init's been 12 years since i first read ray franz's books and the scales came off my eyes.
by that time i was in my forties.. since 2002 i went back to school and have worked with 3 very professional organizations.
but my biological clock is ticking away and while my peers are looking forward to retirement, i am only beginning.
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Sail Away
“While my peers are looking forward to retirement, I am only beginning.” wannaexit
“I don't actually know who the "real me" is, or who I should be.........” stuckinarut2
Given the choice I would take the blue pill every time. I just wish I knew I had a choice sooner. I was a fully indoctrinated JW for 42 years. I woke up when I was 52 years old. Now my husband is two years away from retirement. I am 56 years old, and it is just not economically feasible for me to get a college degree and start a career at this late date. There are so many things I would like to do, but having no highr education is a huge roadblock.
I feel like there will never be a beginning for me. I’m feeling pretty lost and can fully relate to stuckinarut2. I see a Buddhist psychologist and am working acceptance. Mindfulness practices help. Ultimately, I woke up because there was no way I was going to shun my son. My daughter is having a baby, my first grandchild, a boy. I have what is most important to me—my kids. I am tremendously grateful for that. Hopefully I have a few decades of freedom in front of me.
Sail Away
